Whittling Away with Dick Brooks - Just Say It

In younger days, I used to consider old people opinionated and set in their ways.  How silly that seems to me now.  I now realize that over the years you start to see things clearly and get a firmer grasp on the ways of the world and how they work.  The right and wrong of things becomes more obvious and you give up the wishy-washy ways of your youth.  You have more time to seriously consider, analyze and be annoyed by things that you took for granted or just let slip by during the more rushed times in your past.

Currently, I’m working on how the English language has changed in the past twenty or so years.  It’s a pretty good old language and has served our ancestors well for centuries.  It has changed over the years, we’ve added tons of new words and changed the meanings of tons of others.  These were changes for the good for the most part, language being a living, growing kind of thing.  The thing that annoys me is the present day rush towards euphemisms.  Remember them?  My introduction to them came in third grade came when one of my classmates tearfully reported me to the teacher for having said that she was “fat”.  She was!  Privately, the teacher agreed with my assessment of her physical size but said that there were better words to use, words that weren’t quite as rude or painful.  She suggested “Chubby, Plump or Pudgy”.  It really didn’t make a lot of sense to me since they all meant “fat” but I used them since their use allowed me access to the playground at recess time.  

Euphemisms now bloom every where, they’re like the dandelions of our language.  There’s even a euphemism for euphemisms, its called being “politically correct” and it’s annoying!  The over use of euphemisms is removing the fat, sugar and spices from our language it becomes more and more bland and boring.  

Have you noticed that there are no more old people?  They’ve been replaced by senior citizens.  Nobody dies any more, they “pass away” “cross over” “go to a better place” “expire”.  The last wake I went to was held in “The Slumber Room” at the local funeral parlor.  The guy didn’t look like he was napping, he looked dead.  Funerals are where old euphemisms hang out anyway.  The guy could have been a nasty old bugger who beat his wife, kicked his dog, drank a bottle of gin before lunch and locked his grandmother in a closet for years and somebody at his funeral will mention how attentive he was towards his wife and dog, how he supported local businesses and how overprotective he was towards his grandmother.  He “looks so peaceful” “looks like he just went to sleep” “He was so young” “He will be missed” are all phrases you’re likely to hear.  I want to have the kneeler in front of my casket wired so when someone kneels on it, a tape recording of my voice is triggered and I can be heard saying something like, “Hi, Thanks for coming, wasn’t I a wonderful person?  Don’t I look like I’m sleeping?  I’m not, you know, I’m dead.  Have a nice day”.  That would please me.  

We need to rethink some of the current popular phrases and get back to saying what we mean.  Old isn’t a dirty word, do we really need “senior citizen, golden-ager, mature adult, elderly, people of age” and so on and so on.  My third grade classmate was fat, today she’d be obese, overweight, plus sized, plump or have superfluous flesh.  Fat is a good simple word that communicates well with others.  It may not be “politically correct” but then, I’m old, opinionated and set in my ways.

Thought for the week—I’m not a person who thinks he can have it all, but I certainly feel that with a bit of effort and guile I should be able to have more than my fair share.  –George Carlin

Until next week, may you and yours be happy and well.

Whittle12124@yahoo.com