The Tapestry with Deb Herodes

Mama’s Got a Brand-New Bag

In Honor of Mother’s Day

When we all look back at our childhood days, there are many things we remember, but mostly, our mom is the key figure in all these memories. Although we don’t remember her hardest days, when sleep was abandoned for care of a newborn, and anxiety was at its highest level when we got sick, we do remember snuggles and kisses and gentle reminders of our misdeeds. Handholding, for safety reasons, was embarrassing once we turned five years old, but begrudgingly we would hold on, mostly because she wouldn’t let go. When siblings were born, our mothers turned into different creatures, with less sleep and more anxiety.  Trying to split attention between two little ones, who both needed her attention and praise, led to a land of every other day showers for mom, because she had no time or energy to pamper herself, and often her dress-up code consisted of sweatpants and drooled-upon tee-shirts. 

Those moms, who stayed at home 24 hours a day for years on end, raising their children, were easy to spot.  They were the ones with no make-up, no stilettoes and no apparent hairstyle; a ponytail suited them well. Hauling their kids to doctor’s appointments, even if the doctor’s appointments were for mama, the kids were there too.  Grocery shopping with two or three kids hanging off, or riding in or on the grocery cart, is an experience everyone should have at least once. Yes, memories were being made, but let it be known that mom was trying with everything in her to hold on to her sanity. The house remained relatively picked up, as mama cleaned the same toy-mess, lunch-mess, snack-mess, laundry-mess, dish-mess, every moment of the day. There were no coffee breaks, and to be perfectly honest, a look in the mirror left moms wondering how they got to this position in life.  The fevers, the monster-dreams and the need for her scent, drove kids into her bed late at night, that is if she wasn’t already sleeping with them, and despite her bleary eyes, her toddler’s teary eyes demanded constant patting and humming of a well- established list of bedtime songs.

6 a.m. summoned the childhood alarm clock and off they were with mom dragging behind.  Living through this experience would lead to even more experiences that could not be thought of now, for fear of abandonment by the mother, but nonetheless, many were coming.

Moms who worked outside the home (spoiler alert, that job never ends,) also faced the 6 a.m. alarm, which catapulted them into the shower, and then to the sides of their children’s beds. Yanking children from their dreams is not an easy job, but in the world of “working women,” it must be done.  Breakfast, usually cereal and toast laid waiting for the kids, but quite often was left uneaten because the choices of cereals didn’t appeal to the little darlings.  Clothes, selected the night before, to make the morning disagreements, with fashion, more bearable, were tugged on, backpacks were filled and coats, boots, etc., were handed out. Musical instruments were usually carried by mom, along with diaper bag for the baby and extra clothes for the toddler, in case of an accident at daycare. The race around the house to find mom’s purse happened daily, but eventually the rat pack would find themselves buckled in car seats, complaining all the way.  One more trip into the house to grab mom’s briefcase was also a weekly occurrence, but we all got used to the car seat wait, as she retrieved all that she needed for the day.  Her workday was exhausting, the pick-up of her lovelies, although they were tired and moody was exhausting, and the dinner needs of dad and her offspring were front and center.  The house was always upside down and it wasn’t unusual to see socks on the dining room table and dinner plates on the bathroom floor.  Her best laid plans for the evening of vacuuming, catching up on laundry, toilet scrubbing and mopping flew the coop because homework both she and we had brought home to finish for the next day took precedence.  The dog was always barking for food and the fish tank was sporting dead fish from its lack of attention. 10 pm found mom asleep on the couch, with a book on her chest, and a dog at her feet.  A shake to her shoulder would wake her enough to drag down to the bedroom and fall back asleep, even if she still had her work clothes on.

As mothers mothered their way through the years of chaperoning, coaching, leading and directing extracurricular activities, all the same duties laid in wait, but somehow, with a Pepsi in her pocket, and Excedrin in her purse, the beat went on.

Although make-up, high heels jewelry and nail polish were the first things to attract small children to mom’s belongings, it was her purse that held the most secrets.  It didn’t seem to matter how many backpacks, trombones, diaper bags or groceries she had in her hands or on her shoulders, her purse was THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!  Children seem to know that the money they needed for anything was housed in that purse, so they better steer clear of going into it.  The strangest thing was however, that mom’s wallet never had dollar bills or change in it, just a bunch of cards.  The cards worked in most places to get us what we needed, so those wallet accessories were never to be touched, even though she lost them or misplaced them often. Noticing that the purses got larger and larger, as the children grew, and diaper bags were packed away in storage, one had to wonder why such a big bag now… your kids don’t need bottles or diapers anymore.  This is undoubtedly spoken by a non-mama.

The things mothers can pull out of their purses for every member of their family, or any member of the human race is truly amazing.  She carries everyone’s medications, both over the counter and prescriptions, along with a mound of Kleenex to snuff out the allergies of the seasons.  Changes of underwear for little ones, should something go awry, are also found at the bottom of her purse, along with 10-20 receipts from various merchants she visited over the past week.  Her wallet, of course, along with her checkbook takes up the most room, but a tube of lipstick and a powder palette are housed in the zipper part of the bag.  Band-Aids, first aid cream, a bag of wipes for everyone’s spills, tweezers, fingernail clippers, emery boards, a keychain full of keys, a toothbrush and toothpaste and if we were lucky, some Kleenex-laden wintergreen lifesavers. An old pacifier, in a plastic bag, assorted pens, crayons, highlighters and paper to keep us all busy while we waited for the world to catch up to us, and 3 bottles of water, jammed in next to her Pepsi bottle, that were always falling out of her open purse, but nonetheless were always present in her bag, when we began our daily adventures. 

As Mother’s Day approaches this year, think about your mom in years gone by and consider getting her a new bag, full of photos of your children, your memories with her, a Pepsi, and a promise to carry her purse for her, whenever you are together, as years of carrying over-laden bags of absolutely everything have no doubt taken a toll her back.

Happy Mother’s Day to all, and if one of your children asks what you would like for Mom’s Day, drop the names Prada, Gucci and Coach.